Hey. If you're reading this, then I've got to tell you that for the next 30 days or so, I will be out of touch. Where I'm going, I cannot say, at least for the time being... I cannot say where. I don't know for sure how long I will be gone, I don't know where I'm going to go when I am set free.

I don't know anything right now, to be honest. Other than, I am absolutely terrified.

But for the next month or so, and if you are reading this, please keep me in high hopes and in your prayers also.

I want to believe that God has got a hold on me.

And I want to come out of this stronger, healthier, and with such a passion for the things of Jesus.

I had a fire burning for Him once before, but it was quickly extinguished by the enemy.

This time...

I want the fire to stay. Through all seasons. And I want the power of Jesus to cast the enemy away. I want guardians surrounding me day and night, so that nothing other than God can touch me. That is what I am longing for.

That.

And getting clean.

For the last time. So that I never have to do this again.

Once and for all.

I will be set free... (I hope..)

Got this in an email tonight from my dear friend, Heather.

I seriously am so blessed and so encouraged

by all of your prayers. Thank you so so much.

God's got something up His sleeve, I can feel it.

I trust that He knows what He's doing and that

He works all things together for the good of those

who love Him. I trust that He has hold of me,

He hasn't let me go yet, and I know that He won't

ever give up on me and that He has been waiting

for quite some time now with open arms for me

to turn from my old ways and receive His goodness,

His mercy, His grace, His freedom, His love.

He's holding my hand right now

and I'm turning towards Him, saying

"Alright, God. Let's go."

And my heart is so full right now because I know that He won't let go.

(You have to click on the picture to make it bigger)

I don't want anything else..

Stop thinking of myself.

DO THINGS FOR OTHERS.

I do not exist. I do not exist. I do not exist.

Complete surrender and humility.

Get on a regular schedule.

Make for myself a regular/healthy diet.

One thing I will tell you is that hearing the words, "I love you" really just cannot be said enough. My heart just got a little bit more full than it was a few minutes ago.

Thank you, God, for my aunt and my uncle.

Please continue to bless our relationship now and forevermore.

Let them know that I am so grateful for everything they've ever done for me.

And that I love them more than they will ever know.

I just hope that one day, I will make them proud.

All in.

Just wondering if I should give up.

Just wondering if this really is right, or if I just want it to be.

Just wondering if they would all trust me & let me try again.

Just wondering if I'll amount to anything.

Just wondering what my destiny is.

Just wondering why God brought me here.........

Just wondering how this is all supposed to work out.

Just wondering if they even believe in me at all.

Just wondering when God is going to show up,

and I'm just wondering if He would please forgive me...?

For it all.

For everything.

For the lies, the hidden agendas.

For my hardened heart, my rebellious ways.

For denying the truth and walking away.

For seeing the light but rejecting it again and again.

For everything inside of me that tells me I'm not worth it...

That I'm not good enough.

That I'm nothing but a liar, a thief, a hypocrite & an avid drug user.

That I'll never be sober.

That I should just give up because God isn't there...

Because I'm too much for Him.

Because I'm too much for everyone else.

Because their love is conditional and they are not constant.

Because family doesn't exist.

Because I'm going to end up just like my mom.

God, if You could, would You please take this from me? And if for some reason You can't, because maybe it's all just to reflect You (which I very much would like to believe), then would You please give me the strength and the head knowledge to sift through the lies? God, if You are able and if You are up to the challenge, then would You please take my worn-out heart/spirit and refresh me and make me whole again? God, would You please spark a fire in me? A fire burning throughout my being that desires to spend time with You, that will choose truth over lies and a fire that will keep my gaze focused on You only. God, would You please re-direct my focus; God, please, renew my soul. I know that You work all things together for good and I know that You are a God of promises and I know that You took my sins upon Your precious son. I know now that I can't disappoint You and I know now that You won't turn Your back on me. Ever. I know that nothing can take me from the grasp You have on my life and I know only in You, I can find my purpose, destiny, belonging and identity. God, now I ask for full transformation, and I am aware that surrender, repentance and asking forgiveness is the only way to make said transformation possible. One last joyride and I am done.

Jesus, would You forgive? Take it alllll away from me. Go crazy and may Your will be done above all else.

I am done.

I am done.

I am worth it.

I have a destiny and it is now.

I have a purpose and it is unfolding.

I belong.

Jesus is here.

Jesus is here.

Jesus is here.

Jesus loves me.

Jesus forgives me.

Jesus covers me. In. His. Blood.

The perfect sacrifice, my sins covered.

Help me to see it.

Help me to believe it.

Help me to live it.

Jesus, I need You by my side.

I need You to cover me.

I need Your strength.

I need Your truth.

I need You.

I am forgiven.

Practice makes perfect.

Haven't drawn in quite some time, and I'll be humble enough to admit that this drawing is pretty awful. I'm not fishing for compliments; I just know that I can do much better if/when I put the effort into it and practice Practice, practice, practice.

Anyways, I just wanted to show you my little kid sketch. Was talking to a dear friend earlier tonight and she suggested that I start playing with art again, and so this was my first attempt seriously in like 2+ years. It's been too long, but it's not too late to start up again. Yes and amen.

-Taken from the wonderful Kelsie Lynn, who is currently serving at YWAM Sunny Coast in Australia

Masterpiece lives.

I lurk and I'm distracted and then I'm struck with the greenest envy
due to your
meaningful
unwavering
exciting
masterpiece lives.

I want my life to be a masterpiece someday. One in which, someone will stumble upon it and be struck with envy & inspiration the way that I am. I just want to live meaningfully and I want every fiber in my soul to not be moved, shaken... to be unwavering, completely so.
I just want to live with a purpose, and I just want to be healed and fit for Kingdom work.
That is all.

Reassuring.

It's nice to hear things like, "I'm so glad you're here."

Gives me just a little more confirmation that this is where I'm supposed to be.

As for what's about to take place, it feels far and I'm so unaware

but I know that God's in control and I know that He has me here for a reason.

So let that reason take place.

I am ready, but I pray that God readies me even more.

Scattered thoughts about work.

Goodwill Colton: My coworkers are pretty sweet and they are quite fun to work with. It's a lot slower here at this store, mostly because the store just opened up this past February and people are still just finding out about it. This store is a lot bigger than my old store in Santa Clarita, which is nice because there's actually room for lots and lots of people's unwanted crap... not to mention, we have some really nice things at this store. So, it's a nice break from the craziness and stress at my old store.

Glimpse of summer.

Goal accomplished! Earlier this summer, I said that I wanted to start taking photos of just everyday life. I even bought myself a camera for my birthday, it's a Holga and I got it for only $20!!! (which is almost unheard of, if you know what a Holga is). A lot of the photos I took with my Holga didn't turn out, I'm still learning about double exposure, the bulb setting and all that nonsense. More to come though!

And now, I'm setting a new goal for myself. Today is officially day one of life in the IE. I'm gonna start a new journal, and I'm gonna take time every week, every day, five times a day, to sit and write and read and write and then write some more... to make time daily (or at least, I hope daily) for myself, to get away and be quiet, to sit and observe, to just BE.

Feels like home.

Feels like this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Not my will, but Yours be done.

Summer is leaving, and a new season is taking its place.

This summer was one of: challenge, depth, strength, friendship and I am/have been finding myself (again) in the midst of the chaos.

Summer is now gone, and a new season is taking its place.

This new season holds something that is secret, hidden... Something beautiful that awaits to be unfolded, discovered.

I've been patient, I am ready & I am open.

What's up Inland Empire...

Tomorrow, you will be all mine.

I am so ready for this journey to take place.

How'd it happen, you ask...

Well, a few months back I went to visit some friends and family out in the IE and the weekend held such confirmation that I needed to be out there and so since then, everything has been falling into place... Living situation, job, etc. And I think that's God's way of saying "Yes, this is where I want you."

So to be completely honest, I have no idea what's gonna go down or how this is going to work but I am being faithful to the calling that I felt just a few months ago. I have such peace and I feel almost like I'm falling into the plan that God has for me. I'm falling into Him and I'm letting go of everything else.

Random, rushed thoughts. But just wanted to say that I'm really looking forward to this journey ahead of me... Starting tomorrow. Yes.