Alright, let's be honest.
Today and especially right now, I've got feelings of restlessness. Like... bad.
My mind is racing, my heart is overwhelmed, and my feet just want to run.
Because that's what I do... Apparently.
When things start looking up around me, I forget the hell that I just came from. And it doesn't even matter to me when I do think of it. Because things are starting to get really fucking good, and that just honestly scares the hell out of me. So what do I do? I run.
My heart just wants answers right now. I need something definite and I just need confirmation, I need encouragement and I need love most of all. But it's funny, because I have all these things around me, in this house that I am part of. But my heart wants more.
Maybe it's because this is all so new to me, and I really have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I'm just doing what I see others doing, because I see it working for them. And I believe it can work for me too.
BUT. I'm scared. Like. Really, really scared. Right now, I am scared of being hurt. I'm scared of not being wanted, I'm scared of being too pushy, I'm scared of rejection, I'm scared that I'm doing everything wrong.
My heart just fears right now. And it makes me want to run.
But somehow, my feet are planted right where they are and even if I wanted to, I wouldn't.
And boy, do I want to. Because it's what I do and it's what I know.
So I guess if you're reading this, please pray for me.
Because I can't. And because I'm just not sure right now.
Please. Thank you.
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