The heart beats in its cage - Pt 2

15 days today.
Physically, I feel MUCH better.
But emotionally and mentally.... oh, shit.

I'll put it like this:
I am a wreck right now.

All of these feelings are hitting me non-stop and I have no idea how to deal with ANY of it. I feel so strongly about something and then five minutes later, I'm re-thinking the whole thing. Twenty minutes later, I'm right back to where I was at the beginning. I'm a mess.

I am learning how to deal with these feelings when they come up, because when they do, it hits HARD. I haven't felt anything like this in a-w-h-i-l-e. And it's just been really tough. Okay, I have no idea how to deal with them, but I am doing my best to be honest when shit starts to hit the fan... And that's not easy.
Because I haven't felt anything for quite some time now.
Because I don't like being vulnerable enough with you to be completely honest.
But I am doing my best. And I hope that you can see that.
Because I have no idea how to do any of this.

And I keep wondering if it's worth it.
Life, I mean... What the fuck is the point? I don't understand.
Not yet. Hopefully soon, I will start really believing in life again.
Because right now, I don't. And each new day that I am faced with brings out the strength that is resonating somewhere deep inside me. Because I have to FIGHT just to make it through the next hour.

And that's how everything seems to be right now.
I have to fight for my recovery. I have to fight my way through the steps.
I have to fight for those I care about and love.
I have to fight for my own sanity and I have to fight everything that my heart feels.
Yeah. The heart sure does beat in its damn cage.
Who will release me? Who's gonna set me free? And who is going to fight for me???