Today, I have 17 days off heroin.
Today, I feel great. Today is going to be amazing.

I have decided that I so much prefer this way of life - ya know, being sober.
Because I have strength again, and because I care about myself again.

Do you have any idea how long it's been since I could say that I had 17 days clean???
Yeah, it's been awhile. 7 months ago, I was in rehab in Pasadena and the most time that I could get was 21 days at most. I was kicked out the first time for smoking a cigarette, after 2 1/2 weeks of being there. So, I went back home and I relapsed. But not only did I relapse, I woke up in the hospital. So that rehab let me come back because I managed to OD. And then another 2 1/2 weeks later, I relapsed again and was kicked out one more time. But by that time, it was on and crackin and nobody would make me stop using.
And I was strung the fuck out. It went as far as a few deaths, a few arrests and many more OD's, as well as some moral issues that I compromised in order to get money for my next fix.
But I didn't care. As long as I could maintain my high, I didn't give a fuck what I had to do, or what I did to myself and especially to the people around me.

This is my third time in sober living since mid-September. I first went to a house in Encino and left the second that I was sick. And not five minutes later that I left that house, was I high. A few weeks later, I thought I had enough of being on the streets, so I went to a different house in Northridge and again, left on the second day.  My friend came to pick me up, he had just gotten out of rehab and wanted to get loaded, so we went to pick up and thirty minutes after leaving sober living #2, I had fallen out in his car. Needle in my arm and everything. Things got bad after that last run, though. And in the end, I was only using because I wanted to off myself. But I couldn't even manage to do that. So, I decided to try again and here I am.

17 days of sobriety. Amazing house, wonderful house manager who has adopted me as his daughter. Amazing support system, wonderful sponsor. I am seriously so blessed.

Never thought I would make it. And so grateful that I have.
As much as I love heroin (and I honestly do), I would not go back for anything.
This life is SO much better and I am learning to love every second.